


Favorite

by orphan_account



Category: Batman (Comics), Batman - All Media Types, Batman and Robin (Comics)
Genre: Batboys, Batdad, Fluff and Humor, batfamily drabbles, batkids, bruce wayne the dad, dami needs to chill, poor Tim
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-26
Updated: 2015-06-26
Packaged: 2018-04-06 07:42:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 388
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4213578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The batkids argue over who's the favorite. (one-shot)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Favorite

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what this is. This is why people should sleep.

“Does not,” Tim argued, glaring at Damian with knitted eyebrows.

“He most definitely does,” Damian growled back, looking indignantly at his older brother.  “It is only natural for a parent to favor one child over the others, and considering I am the blood son, he prefers me.”

“The only person in the world who could possibly prefer you, _Damian_ ,” Tim said pointedly, “is yourself.”

Just then, Jason could be seen leaning on the doorframe to the bedroom closest to them, “yeah, the replacement's right.  Even Talia prefers me over you.”

“She does not!” Damian yelled, thrashing out to punch or maybe throttle Jason.

“I have video to prove it,” Jason argued as he dodged the attack, flashing a white-toothed grin.

Tim rolled his eyes, “nobody wants to see your sextape, Jason.”

“Somebody say sextape?” Steph asked, sitting on the railing with her blonde hair behind her.

“Keep it to yourself!” Barbara yelled from down the stairs where she sat with Cass, who giggled innocently.

“Oh forget it!” Damian snapped, “this argument is useless.  We can all agree that Father prefers me over Drake.”

“Everybody knows Bruce likes Cass best,” Steph interjected.

“It’s nobody!  He doesn’t favor anybody!” Tim shouted.

“Well I think I get to claim the title of least favorite,” Jason laughed, enjoying the chaos erupted before him.

“As if you’re even relevant, Todd,” Damian snapped.

“Whatever, demon-spawn,” Jason said.

“Can you just all calm down?” Tim begged.  “He doesn’t like anybody best!”

“Quiet down,” Barbara yelled, “you’re all acting like children.”

Steph chuckled, “Damian is a child.”

“I am not!” Damian scowled in that, ‘I’m about to start stabbing people’ way.

“Shit,” Jason prodded, “you’ve angered the demon.”

“Why are you even here, Jason?!” Tim yelled.

“Yeah,” Stephanie added, “who let you out of prison?”

“Aw, the poor birdies are conforming to a poorly constructed moral code to please Daddy-dearest.”

“Just because you’re a jealous, psychopathic killer doesn’t mean you’re cool!”

“You can suck my dick.”

“Putting small things in my mouth is a choking hazard.”

“Oh hoh, where’d you get that one, _tumblr_?”

“Man-slut!’

“Bitch.”

“Guys!”

“Shut up, Drake!”

“Go back to hell, Damian!”

“Can you just, not?” Barbara asked.

“I--”

Bruce descended down the stairs, staring at the collection of his children with a wary frown and said with finality, “Dick.  Dick’s my favorite.”

 

 


End file.
